When constantly we feel that we are satisfying the wishes and needs of other people, without having reached our desires or having satisfied our needs we are facing a very clear symptom of dependence. For example, at work we do our best and we feel that others appreciate little what we do even though we give them all the attention they need to meet their demands. We are again emotionally dependent on our bosses. When we are in a relationship and try to 100% meet her needs, regardless of ours, we are again showing dependence. However, when we are the ones who need them, they don't care how we are or how we feel.
The emotional dependence is "a pattern of unmet emotional needs since childhood, now as adults we seek to satisfy, through the search for very close interpersonal relationships. "
- 1 How to recognize dependence?
- 2 Why are we dependent?
- 3 How does an emotional dependent act?
How to recognize dependence?
We are emotional dependents if we perceive that others are happy with us, then we are happy, if others: Family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, etc., do not approve us, then we feel that we are not worth it and we feel overwhelmed and depressed
We are emotionally dependent if we feel a strong fear because what we say or do may offend someone and we better avoid conflicts so as not to be rejected or marginalized.
We are emotionally dependent if we say yes, when we really wanted to say no and we never like to contradict in group discussions for fear of bothering or inconvenience, so that we adjust to the majority's approaches, so let's not think that way.
In short, we are emotionally dependent when we make our wellbeing in the hands of other people in our environment, because we are unable to self-affirm in our own personality and thus be able to perceive the good of our own image, and how capable we can be by having a voice own.
Why are we dependent?
One of the most direct interpretations reviewed the stories of this type of people, indicates a primary affective deficiency, a lack of appreciation and appreciation by parents or significant adults. Emotionally the person learns to remain in permanent waiting for the affection that was denied and for that he must behave pleasingly, to receive a sample of affection. These chronic hungry are often not aware of their status as deprivation, since they assume everything in a natural way. The intense desire to be appreciated, loved or denied or rejected is articulated in early childhood when parents make their young children feel important and objects of all their affection. Otherwise the child will have to grow up with a deprivation that manifests in his emotional behavior.
How does an emotional dependent act?
- An emotional dependenthe waits for love and when he gets it he doesn't think he deserves this affection and even rejects it. He is unable to offer mature and responsible affection. Seeks attachment to someone who idealizes and adopts as a model. Understand love as "service," engagement, submission, admiration for the other person and not as a reciprocal exchange of affection.
- Your relationship with another person is based on the need Excessive approval, when living with low self-esteem, tries to ensure that the others nearby succeed, because he considers himself unable to do so.
- He strives to look good. He expresses his demands for attention and affection differently: making gifts or favors that are not asked for, worrying and being aware of others.
- Emotionally delivered to the first person who takes interest, without evaluating whether it is convenient or not. Live pending of people who are meaningful. It is capable of enduring emotional abuse and humiliation. Their own tastes and interests are relegated to the background.
An emotional dependent requires long-term therapy, where he can process his emotional deficiencies and rebuild a self-esteem that was never strong enough to allow him to achieve respect for himself and that others should lavish.
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