Self-esteem in teenagers

Self-esteem in teenagers

A good dose of self-esteem is one of the most valuable resources available to a teenager. A teenager with self-esteem learns more effectively, develops much more pleasant relationships, is better able to take advantage of opportunities to be presented, to work productively and be self-sufficient, has a greater awareness of the direction that follows. And what is more, if the adolescent ends this stage of his life with a strong and well developed self-esteem, he will be able to enter adult life with a good part of the foundations necessary to lead a productive and satisfactory existence.


  • 1 A teenager with self-esteem ...
  • 2 How self-esteem influences everyday life
  • 3 The positive influence of self-esteem on the adolescent
  • 4 The four aspects of self-esteem
  • 5 How to interact with a teenager who has uniqueness problems
  • 6 How to develop the feeling of power: problems and solutions
  • 7 How to interact with the adolescent who has an inadequate sense of power
  • 8 How to develop models in adolescents
  • 9 Problems that may arise with the models
  • 10 How to interact with the teenager who lacks models

A teenager with self-esteem ...

... will act independently
... will assume their responsibilities
... face new challenges with enthusiasm
... will be proud of your achievements
... will demonstrate breadth of emotions and feelings
... tolerate frustration well
... will feel able to influence others

Adolescence is one of the most critical periods for the development of self-esteem; it is the stage in which the person needs to be done with a firm IDENTITY, that is to say, knowing oneself different from others, knowing their possibilities, their talent and feeling valuable as a person who is moving towards a future. These are the years in which the child goes from dependence to independence and confidence in his own strength. It is a time when not a few basic questions are put on the table; Think of the vocation, the plans to make a living, the marriage, the basic principles of existence, the independence of the family and the ability to relate to the opposite sex. And to these aspects we must add all those childhood conflicts that have not been resolved and that arise again, conflicts that will also have to be faced.

In the "identity crisis" of adolescence, the young man automatically questions himself, including the opinion he has acquired in the past. He may rebel and reject any assessment offered by another person, or he may find himself so confused and unsure of himself that he does nothing but ask others for approval and advice of all kinds. Whatever your approach to your new identity, the teenager will inevitably go through a critical reorganization of his way of appreciating with the consequent change in their self-esteem.

How self-esteem influences everyday life

Self-esteem influences the adolescent in:

  • how do you feel
  • how do you think, learn and create
  • how is it valued
  • how do you relate to others
  • how it behaves

The positive influence of self-esteem on the adolescent

The positive aspects that reinforce the possibilities of the adolescent in the face of adult life are:

  • Know clearly what strengths, resources, interests and objectives you have.
  • Effective and satisfactory personal relationships.
  • Clarity of objectives.
  • Personal productivity: at home, at school and at work.

Helping adolescents to increase their self-esteem can induce beneficial situations and thus reinforce the adolescent's resources for adult life. For him It is a real necessity to forge your identity and feel good about yourself. If you can meet this need in due time, you can go ahead and be ready to take responsibility for meeting your needs in adulthood.

The four aspects of self-esteem

Self-esteem can develop conveniently when adolescents positively experience four well-defined aspects or conditions:

  1. Bonding: result of the satisfaction that the adolescent obtains by establishing links that are important to him and that others also recognize as important.
  2. Singularity: result of the knowledge and respect that the adolescent feels for those qualities or attributes that make him special or different, supported by the respect and approval he receives from others for those qualities.
  3. Power: consequence of the availability of means, opportunities and capacity in the adolescent to modify the circumstances of his life in a significant way.
  4. Models or guidelines: reference points that provide the adolescent with the appropriate, human, philosophical and practical examples that serve to establish his scale of values, his goals, ideals and own manners.

Linkage problems may be discovered if any of the following behaviors occur:

  • He cannot communicate easily, he is unable to listen to others and understand his views.
  • He is shy, has few or no friends and actively avoids social situations; He is little aware of the interests or needs of others.
  • Talk negatively about the family, their race or ethnic group.
  • Rarely or never offered to help others.
  • He doesn't like his teammates.
  • It is uncomfortable for adults or, on the contrary, tries to get their attention continuously.
  • He wants to always be the center of everything and / or constantly tries to attract the attention of others.
  • It is usually related more to things and animals than to people; He has a lot of “crap” in his pocket and values ​​them excessively.
  • You have difficulty expressing your ideas and feelings directly and asking for what you need.
  • It bothers him to touch others or to be touched.

With an adolescent who has little connection, he must relate as follows:

  • Pay attention to your child when you need him.
  • Show affection in what you say or do.
  • Praise him in a concrete way.
  • Show your approval when you interact well with others.
  • Respect your friends by giving them the opportunity to receive them at home and show that you approve them.
  • Share your feelings with him, see how things affect him.
  • Share interests, hobbies and some of your concerns with the teenager.
  • From time to time, make something special that meets your particular interests or needs.
  • Spend some time alone with him, without distracting the needs of other family members.

The adolescent with little sense of singularity will express himself in one of the following ways:

  • He will talk negatively about himself and his achievements.
  • He will take little or no pride in his appearance.
  • It will show little imagination and rarely propose original ideas.
  • He will do things as he is told, with hardly any contribution from his own harvest.
  • You will feel uncomfortable when you are stressed or asked in class.
  • He will often seek praise, but when he succeeds he will feel confused and deny it.
  • Will flaunt when it's not time.
  • It will adapt to the ideas of others. Follow but rarely guide.
  • It will tend to classify others in a simple way, and is likely to be critical of their personal characteristics.

How to interact with a teenager who has uniqueness problems

  • Highlight and reaffirm your skills and special characteristics
  • Accept that your teenager express their own ideas, encourage them, even if they are different than what you have.
  • Transmit your acceptance, even when you have to censor your behavior.
  • Discover positive aspects in unusual ideas or behaviors that you manifest, and praise them.
  • Accept experimentation by him with different work activities or ideas.
  • Respect their views, their uniqueness, intimacy and their belongings.
  • Let him carry out tasks that involve responsibility, so that he acquires knowledge of his unique abilities.

How to develop the feeling of power: problems and solutions

The adolescent can obtain a sense of power when he has the opportunities, resources and the ability to influence his life in a positive way. When this sensation is firmly developed, your self-esteem will increase, but if you do not have opportunities to exercise this power and you are systematically denied, your self-esteem will be diminished.

The adolescent who does not develop a firm sense of power usually behaves in one of the following ways:

  • You can avoid facing responsibilities. You will not do anything on your own and you will have to constantly remind yourself of the duties that have been set for you. He will back down on tasks that are challenging for him.
  • You can have very limited skills in many areas, the typical answers would be "I don't know how" or "I will never know how to do that".
  • You can act frequently giving the feeling of being helpless and avoid taking care of others.
  • It may lack emotional control. A continuous demonstration of anger, fear, hysteria or inability to face frustration indicates a definite lack of personal control.
  • It can be excessively demanding or stubborn.
  • He may always want to be the leader, do things his own way. He will be adamant and will refuse to discuss options and share his authority.

How to interact with the teenager who has an inadequate sense of power

  • Stimulate your personal responsibility.
  • Help him be aware of his own decision making process.
  • Evaluate your procedure to solve problematic situations.
  • Reaffirm the successes you get.
  • Respect the current degree of competence of the adolescent.
  • Encourage the adolescent to set personal goals, both short and long term.
  • Reaffirm him when he influences others in a positive way

How to develop models in adolescents

If during their development process the child has not had enough models at their disposal, the parents will be forced to fill these gaps in adolescence. The natural desire of the adolescent to have heroes, ideals and dreams will help to provide an adequate sense of the models.

Problems that may arise with the models

  • It is often confused easily. Time is wasted on activities that apparently have no purpose, or may become obsessed with activities that have no relation to their immediate obligations.
  • It is poorly organized, both in ideas and behavior. He can be scruffy in his person and in his things. He usually has his room made a mess.
  • Confuse the good and the bad.
  • He has a hard time deciding to do or say something.
  • Respond to instructions given in a confusing or unruly way.
  • He is insecure in the methods and objectives he chooses when working as a team. He continuously asks for instructions and usually insists that there is only one way to do things.

How to interact with the teenager who lacks models

  • Remember that you are a basic model for your teenager, be a good example, according to your beliefs.
  • Present to your child those people whom you have high esteem, either through personal contact, or through literary works.
  • Help him to understand well those things in which he believes. Talk to him about his scale of values. And if he asks you about your beliefs, speak to him honestly.
  • Have realistic behavioral and learning objectives proposed. Let him reason the steps he must take to achieve his goals. That you decide that you should learn and to what extent you should do it.
  • To face the consequences of their behavior. Make clear the cause-effect relationship in terms of behavior and its consequences.
  • Help him understand how he can perform his tasks. Tell him the clear things and prove it if necessary.
  • Make an effort to understand the conditions that influence your behavior. Understanding does not mean permissively accepting destructive behaviors. Try to reach common decisions or behavioral norms by exchanging opinions.
  • As a final point, a tip: listen, keep an eye on the conversations with your teenager, do not react until he is finished, you will probably learn new things about him and you will probably realize that the teenager feels more valued when he is heard Best regards.